Dam I'm pumped up. I was mother fucking stressed the fuck out. I love cursing!!!
I don't even know what to write, there's just so much positive energy flowing through me that I have to record this. I was just looking through my facebook pictures and felt genuine love and attraction everytime I came accross one with Anna. My girlfriend is fucking HOT!! And she's a bit crazy and I like that. No I am still very unsure that this will last forever, but this is the best I've felt about our relationship in Months!!!
All that happened was one phone call. I made an impulse purchase. I bought life coaching and I am STOKED!!!!
It's unreal the pressure that feels relieved to have someone support me like that. Someone who understands motivation, hard work and high success. Not that he's some miraculous person and I worship him. I just don't currently have anyone like that in my life. I really do become like the people I hang out with - They're mostly whinny moppy babies. No longer!!!!
Maybe, I don't know. I am still unsure about what I paid for. Who knows if this will be beneficial, but I know for now that this is the right thing for me.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Monday, January 2, 2017
New Year, New Start.... Again
It's amazing the power of a new year. If you really think about it, there's really nothing different. Another day goes by, another month changes, and the weather is still shitty and cold. But it's an opportunity for a fresh start, which can rouse the motionless zombies from the couch to the elliptical. All year, these people are told they should get going, start something new, change their habits. They even have their own voices going in their heads echoing the same advice they hear from others. Yet, they stand still, they stay with whats comfortable, and change nothing. So nothing changes.
That is, until the all mighty January 1st.
The day you will have to wait 3 hours for a chance to use the bench press at the gym. The day your usual abandoned running path will crowd you shoulder to shoulder with strangers. The day that the organic section of every whole foods will be sold out before noon.
And then comes January 2nd. I won't talk too much about the nose dive people take after the initial excitement of the new year wears off, but I at least wanted to mention it.
Fortunately, I don't really have that problem. I have my low points (like any other human being on this planet), but I tend to stay working towards some kind of goal all through out the year.
But still, January 1st has an affect on everyone. All the negative experiences I had in the past year really wear on me, but the new year washes them away. Like erosion. I think I spelled that write.
January 1st will get a normal person up to change something they don't like, which is great. I love when people are passionate about a goal, so the beginning of January is very inspiring. But January 1st will take a guy like me to a whole other level. You can make dam sure I will take full advantage of this feeling. Even right now, my brain is bursting with ideas of what I can be doing right now, but I have to make sure to stay focused with the task at hand. That will be one of my greatest obstacles of 2017, and the rest of my life.
To be honest, the last couple weeks haven't done much in the way of achieving my goals.., Or have they???
Refocusing is a key component in success. I believe Stephen Covey calls it "sharpening the saw". Over the last couple weeks, I've turned my saw into a 4 atom thick samurai sword. I'm ready to go, homie.
It was a chance to step away and realize how little everything in my life matters. That's not really the right way to put it, but I mean that I realized that the things that were stressing me out were less meaningful than I thought in the moment. 2017 will be a year of no stress. I'll say it again in a different way. I will not allow myself to stress in 2017.
I rephrase it like that because stress is a choice. Not that I would choose to stress over not stressing, but I would choose to do nothing about the stress and let it compound. The stress is natural. It's our free will that allows us to let it stay or push it back to the depths from which it came!!
Unfortunately, this is one of those counter intuitive things again (I cannot fucking escape these!!). The harder I work to relieve stress and the more focus I put on the stresses of my life, the more power I give them. The point is to almost ignore them. Or face them while realizing they have no power. Don't allow them to affect me.
We'll start tomorrow. That's the first day back at work and it's going to be a doosey. Lots of emails to be sent out, lots of projects to organize and lots of stresses to realize are not really that stressful. Sure, I should have done some work over this last week to set myself up a little nicer, but I took that time to step away and regroup. Time well spent. I know I'm going to work late these next few weeks and I am scheduling my time accordingly so that everything fits.
Note: this time can get stressful real fast. I need to make sure I'm constantly hitting something to make sure I don't go insane. Looking forward to late night workouts and early morning "Me times".
Let's see what happens. I'll check in next week.
That is, until the all mighty January 1st.
The day you will have to wait 3 hours for a chance to use the bench press at the gym. The day your usual abandoned running path will crowd you shoulder to shoulder with strangers. The day that the organic section of every whole foods will be sold out before noon.
And then comes January 2nd. I won't talk too much about the nose dive people take after the initial excitement of the new year wears off, but I at least wanted to mention it.
Fortunately, I don't really have that problem. I have my low points (like any other human being on this planet), but I tend to stay working towards some kind of goal all through out the year.
But still, January 1st has an affect on everyone. All the negative experiences I had in the past year really wear on me, but the new year washes them away. Like erosion. I think I spelled that write.
January 1st will get a normal person up to change something they don't like, which is great. I love when people are passionate about a goal, so the beginning of January is very inspiring. But January 1st will take a guy like me to a whole other level. You can make dam sure I will take full advantage of this feeling. Even right now, my brain is bursting with ideas of what I can be doing right now, but I have to make sure to stay focused with the task at hand. That will be one of my greatest obstacles of 2017, and the rest of my life.
To be honest, the last couple weeks haven't done much in the way of achieving my goals.., Or have they???
Refocusing is a key component in success. I believe Stephen Covey calls it "sharpening the saw". Over the last couple weeks, I've turned my saw into a 4 atom thick samurai sword. I'm ready to go, homie.
It was a chance to step away and realize how little everything in my life matters. That's not really the right way to put it, but I mean that I realized that the things that were stressing me out were less meaningful than I thought in the moment. 2017 will be a year of no stress. I'll say it again in a different way. I will not allow myself to stress in 2017.
I rephrase it like that because stress is a choice. Not that I would choose to stress over not stressing, but I would choose to do nothing about the stress and let it compound. The stress is natural. It's our free will that allows us to let it stay or push it back to the depths from which it came!!
Unfortunately, this is one of those counter intuitive things again (I cannot fucking escape these!!). The harder I work to relieve stress and the more focus I put on the stresses of my life, the more power I give them. The point is to almost ignore them. Or face them while realizing they have no power. Don't allow them to affect me.
We'll start tomorrow. That's the first day back at work and it's going to be a doosey. Lots of emails to be sent out, lots of projects to organize and lots of stresses to realize are not really that stressful. Sure, I should have done some work over this last week to set myself up a little nicer, but I took that time to step away and regroup. Time well spent. I know I'm going to work late these next few weeks and I am scheduling my time accordingly so that everything fits.
Note: this time can get stressful real fast. I need to make sure I'm constantly hitting something to make sure I don't go insane. Looking forward to late night workouts and early morning "Me times".
Let's see what happens. I'll check in next week.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
With death comes new life
My cat died last night. I watched her as she slipped into a seizure and then let out one last "Meow" as she exhaled for the final time.
This isn't as bad as it seems. She had an appointment set 3 weeks from today to get put down, so the end as near. I feel as if she knew. She waited for a good opportunity to just let go, and last night was her best shot.
That cat meant a lot to me. I still remember picking her up, planning to take 2 cats, but she was the only one who was willing to let me touch her. The week before my dog had gotten into some chocolate and died, so I was in desperate need of a new companion. Sheba was the perfect cuddle buddy I was searching for.
I'm not sad. I'm actually really happy. Sheba was sick and bleeding on everything. I'm really excited to get all new furniture and not have my apartment smell like cat. Looking back on all of the great times I had with Sheba and all the hard times she got me through, I'm just glad I was able to give her a great 4 years.
To be honest, this whole thing has been weighing on me for a while. She's been clearly sick for a while now and I was always anticipating the day I came home from work to see her lying motionless on the floor. Now that it's over, there's nothing to anticipate. Nothing to worry about. There's a sadness to have nothing to worry about though. It's actually nice to feel stress - makes me remember that I truly care about something.
Opening the door to my apartment will be a little less welcoming now, but this is an opportunity to focus my attention on things that have been put on cruise control.
My girlfriend is probably on the top of that list. I know I've not been putting in the effort she deserves, so it's time to recommit. I have to be totally open and honest with her. Fearlessly honest. She's so great, has the energy for anything and the fun loving mid set to keep that child alive forever. But there's a couple things that make me want to push away. I have to bring these to the table so that we can worth them out together. Whether it's something she should change or my perception of the situation that changes, we can make the decision together and both get a better understanding of each other.
Next is my modules. I NEED to get that ASA ASAP. I have 23 days from today to finish that interim assessment and you better believe I'm going to get that done. The main thing here is focus. I'm going to make sure I have the time to work on this, I just have to have the focus to actually use the time wisely.
Finally is meditation. My head is so clouded with thoughts surrounding everything in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose thoughts are excessive, but I'm moving around and doing too much to be slowed down by negativity. I really should find a coach for myself (or maybe a therapist) so that I have the opportunity to
This isn't as bad as it seems. She had an appointment set 3 weeks from today to get put down, so the end as near. I feel as if she knew. She waited for a good opportunity to just let go, and last night was her best shot.
That cat meant a lot to me. I still remember picking her up, planning to take 2 cats, but she was the only one who was willing to let me touch her. The week before my dog had gotten into some chocolate and died, so I was in desperate need of a new companion. Sheba was the perfect cuddle buddy I was searching for.
I'm not sad. I'm actually really happy. Sheba was sick and bleeding on everything. I'm really excited to get all new furniture and not have my apartment smell like cat. Looking back on all of the great times I had with Sheba and all the hard times she got me through, I'm just glad I was able to give her a great 4 years.
To be honest, this whole thing has been weighing on me for a while. She's been clearly sick for a while now and I was always anticipating the day I came home from work to see her lying motionless on the floor. Now that it's over, there's nothing to anticipate. Nothing to worry about. There's a sadness to have nothing to worry about though. It's actually nice to feel stress - makes me remember that I truly care about something.
Opening the door to my apartment will be a little less welcoming now, but this is an opportunity to focus my attention on things that have been put on cruise control.
My girlfriend is probably on the top of that list. I know I've not been putting in the effort she deserves, so it's time to recommit. I have to be totally open and honest with her. Fearlessly honest. She's so great, has the energy for anything and the fun loving mid set to keep that child alive forever. But there's a couple things that make me want to push away. I have to bring these to the table so that we can worth them out together. Whether it's something she should change or my perception of the situation that changes, we can make the decision together and both get a better understanding of each other.
Next is my modules. I NEED to get that ASA ASAP. I have 23 days from today to finish that interim assessment and you better believe I'm going to get that done. The main thing here is focus. I'm going to make sure I have the time to work on this, I just have to have the focus to actually use the time wisely.
Finally is meditation. My head is so clouded with thoughts surrounding everything in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose thoughts are excessive, but I'm moving around and doing too much to be slowed down by negativity. I really should find a coach for myself (or maybe a therapist) so that I have the opportunity to
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Week of October 10, 2016
This week was tough. Honestly, the last 3 months have been consistently tough. Not only because of work and the exhaustingly long hours, but because of my perception of work. My perception of my job. What's the point? To make billionaires rich? Fuck that. There are very few occasions where my work positively impacts a large group of people. In fact, most of the time we have part to play in negatively affecting people. To top it all off, everyhting we do is made up and has very little tangible, real world impact. This is not what this blog is supposed to be about, but it feels good to get it out a bit. Maybe if I keep writing about this and revisiting my thoughts I'll eventually come to some realization which can only end in 1 of 2 ways: I'll either see the beauty of my work or I'll see that I have to quit to find more meaning.
With the long hours this week, I was not bale to get much of my personal goals complete. Monday and Thursday were late nights at the office and it is so incredibly difficult to find motivation when getting home after 8:00. I would like to find a way to break this up so maybe if I know I will be staying late I can take a break around 7, get a workout in and then get back to work at 8 or 8:30. I'm afraid that if I do this I will lose all motivation to work after my workout, but it is worth a shot. I don't think I'll be able to go through a full BJJ training and have the will to work after, but a short run and some push ups may be doable.
Monday was a late night. I can't remember exactly what I did after getting home from work, but it could not have been much. Although I did start bringing healthy salads to work, so this is a great money saving technique and will certainly help me get back on track with my diet. Unfortunately, I don't think I got a workout in this day.
Tuesday I made sure to get out of work at a reasonable hour. I think I might have even pushed it a little and left around 5:30. This is what I don't like, to have it either staying incredibly late or leaving early out of spite. I would love to have more consistency so that I can plan my days accordingly and get a lot more of my personal goals completed in a timely manner. I did a lot with the time I had, though. I got a workout in (ran 2.5 miles, 100 push ups, 50 pull ups), gave Sheeba a bath and had a life coach session with Brad that went really well. The Sheeba baths are great as our apartment smells SO much better. The sessions with Brad are going really great and I'm excited to see what will come of these.
Wednesday I knew I was going to train. I needed to let out some steam and I did. Unfortunately, I got my ass kicked. I usually enjoy getting knocked around a bit after a stretch of inactivity, but I was really feeling sorry for myself on the drive home about how slow I was. I like how I am being more consistent about my workouts, but they need to be training sessions more often than not. This will change once work slows down, so I'm looking forward to getting back on track. Oh, by the way, I'm getting put up for belt promotion!! This is mad exciting, but I need to be in better shape to get through the hell it's going to be.
Thursday was another late night and I suddenly got sick in the morning. Anna was great taking care of me, bringing me theraflu before she left and making me soup for when I got out, but needless to say I didn't get much of anything done in the way of personal goals.
I felt amazing Friday morning, but knew it was going to be a long weekend full of drinking and unhealthy eating so I made sure to get a morning workout. This is key!! If I plan out my week correctly and know I'm going to be busy/drinking in the afternoon, I can get that workout over with first thing in the morning, so I don't miss a day. I'd like to miss zero days, a little something every day. It was a long road trip to Penn State and I could compalin that I didn't get goals done on the ride up, but fuck it. This was my vacation. I needed a day to step away from all responsibilities and just enjoy my day off. I did exactly that. The wrestling practice at Penn State was unreal. I was completely star struck by all the big name wrestlers and felt so grateful that I am in love with a sport where the stars are so approachable. Easily one of the coolest events I've ever been to. The ride back was interesting as we made a last minute decision to see Nick in Philly and party at his crib. Great time, and I was really happy we got to see him when he wasn't feeling to great, but I drank way too much for me.
Woke up Saturday morning extremely hung over. Got home and passed the fuck out until 4 - crazy how much drinking just ruins an entire day. I couldn't even get a workout in. I did salvage it by hanging out with Dayvon which was a blast. That kid is amazing - it's so incredible to see him grow up and just know the right thing to do at all times. The kid gets it. We went to a haunted corn maze which was ridiculous, ate an extremely unhealthy BBQ meal, but it don't matter. I do what he likes cause he likes it. I don't hang out with him everyday, so I like to let go of all rules when I do.
I was eager to wake up today because I knew I was going to feel way better than yesterday. I was not really motivated in the morning, but I sat down at my computer, started charting out my week and the creative wheels got turning. Had a fairly productive morning, creating a template for the week and scheduling time for things I'm pretty excited about. I still have to figure out what I'm going to do with twitter and how I'm going to get more followers, but I don't think it's a big deal to slow down for a bit so I can figure this out.
This coming week I need to incorporate more studying. I have to set aside the mornings for Module work and writing. Whenever I have free time that I'm not sure how to use should be turned into study time.
I like the book idea I had this week. There's no reason I can't write a book on motivation, I would love to spread excitement to the world and this is a great way to do it. Setting aside 2 mornings won't take away too much time from studying and will give me a head start in the outline. This is something I can get really excited about.
Work is still going to be tough this week, so first thing on Monday I will map everything out and delegate responsibilities to team members. I shouldn't have to do this all by myself, so if I'm clear with delegations and deadlines then I shouldn't have to be the one staying late every night. It's up to me though. If I'm passive here, there's no doubt that I will be the one responsible to do all the work.
I'm going to get 1 workout everyday, but my schedule will determine what that workout will be. Whether I go to training or not will depend largely on my organization in my schedule and delegation at work.
With the long hours this week, I was not bale to get much of my personal goals complete. Monday and Thursday were late nights at the office and it is so incredibly difficult to find motivation when getting home after 8:00. I would like to find a way to break this up so maybe if I know I will be staying late I can take a break around 7, get a workout in and then get back to work at 8 or 8:30. I'm afraid that if I do this I will lose all motivation to work after my workout, but it is worth a shot. I don't think I'll be able to go through a full BJJ training and have the will to work after, but a short run and some push ups may be doable.
Monday was a late night. I can't remember exactly what I did after getting home from work, but it could not have been much. Although I did start bringing healthy salads to work, so this is a great money saving technique and will certainly help me get back on track with my diet. Unfortunately, I don't think I got a workout in this day.
Tuesday I made sure to get out of work at a reasonable hour. I think I might have even pushed it a little and left around 5:30. This is what I don't like, to have it either staying incredibly late or leaving early out of spite. I would love to have more consistency so that I can plan my days accordingly and get a lot more of my personal goals completed in a timely manner. I did a lot with the time I had, though. I got a workout in (ran 2.5 miles, 100 push ups, 50 pull ups), gave Sheeba a bath and had a life coach session with Brad that went really well. The Sheeba baths are great as our apartment smells SO much better. The sessions with Brad are going really great and I'm excited to see what will come of these.
Wednesday I knew I was going to train. I needed to let out some steam and I did. Unfortunately, I got my ass kicked. I usually enjoy getting knocked around a bit after a stretch of inactivity, but I was really feeling sorry for myself on the drive home about how slow I was. I like how I am being more consistent about my workouts, but they need to be training sessions more often than not. This will change once work slows down, so I'm looking forward to getting back on track. Oh, by the way, I'm getting put up for belt promotion!! This is mad exciting, but I need to be in better shape to get through the hell it's going to be.
Thursday was another late night and I suddenly got sick in the morning. Anna was great taking care of me, bringing me theraflu before she left and making me soup for when I got out, but needless to say I didn't get much of anything done in the way of personal goals.
I felt amazing Friday morning, but knew it was going to be a long weekend full of drinking and unhealthy eating so I made sure to get a morning workout. This is key!! If I plan out my week correctly and know I'm going to be busy/drinking in the afternoon, I can get that workout over with first thing in the morning, so I don't miss a day. I'd like to miss zero days, a little something every day. It was a long road trip to Penn State and I could compalin that I didn't get goals done on the ride up, but fuck it. This was my vacation. I needed a day to step away from all responsibilities and just enjoy my day off. I did exactly that. The wrestling practice at Penn State was unreal. I was completely star struck by all the big name wrestlers and felt so grateful that I am in love with a sport where the stars are so approachable. Easily one of the coolest events I've ever been to. The ride back was interesting as we made a last minute decision to see Nick in Philly and party at his crib. Great time, and I was really happy we got to see him when he wasn't feeling to great, but I drank way too much for me.
Woke up Saturday morning extremely hung over. Got home and passed the fuck out until 4 - crazy how much drinking just ruins an entire day. I couldn't even get a workout in. I did salvage it by hanging out with Dayvon which was a blast. That kid is amazing - it's so incredible to see him grow up and just know the right thing to do at all times. The kid gets it. We went to a haunted corn maze which was ridiculous, ate an extremely unhealthy BBQ meal, but it don't matter. I do what he likes cause he likes it. I don't hang out with him everyday, so I like to let go of all rules when I do.
I was eager to wake up today because I knew I was going to feel way better than yesterday. I was not really motivated in the morning, but I sat down at my computer, started charting out my week and the creative wheels got turning. Had a fairly productive morning, creating a template for the week and scheduling time for things I'm pretty excited about. I still have to figure out what I'm going to do with twitter and how I'm going to get more followers, but I don't think it's a big deal to slow down for a bit so I can figure this out.
This coming week I need to incorporate more studying. I have to set aside the mornings for Module work and writing. Whenever I have free time that I'm not sure how to use should be turned into study time.
I like the book idea I had this week. There's no reason I can't write a book on motivation, I would love to spread excitement to the world and this is a great way to do it. Setting aside 2 mornings won't take away too much time from studying and will give me a head start in the outline. This is something I can get really excited about.
Work is still going to be tough this week, so first thing on Monday I will map everything out and delegate responsibilities to team members. I shouldn't have to do this all by myself, so if I'm clear with delegations and deadlines then I shouldn't have to be the one staying late every night. It's up to me though. If I'm passive here, there's no doubt that I will be the one responsible to do all the work.
I'm going to get 1 workout everyday, but my schedule will determine what that workout will be. Whether I go to training or not will depend largely on my organization in my schedule and delegation at work.
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